The Path to Uncovering Your True Self and Loving it: A Values Card Sort
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In my clinical work as a mental health counselor, I have had so many clients who come to me with questions like, “What am I doing with my life?” or “Who am I?” or even just “…Why?” So the question is…
How do you find your True Self?
In a world that’s brimming with loads of expectations and influence, connecting with your authentic self—your true nature and personal identity—can seem like navigating a labyrinth. Yet, understanding who we truly are at our core is not just a quest, it’s a psychological need. The idea of the true self is championed by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, and a Values Card sort exercise is used in different therapy practices including Motivational Interviewing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help clients discover that true self.
In this article, you were learn how to participate in this exercise for your self exploration and self discovery journey. It offers a structured, personal approach to identifying the core values that resonate with your true self. This guide will take you through the process, helping to set you up to leading an authentic life that is aligned with your true, essential self.
Imagine this: instead of running around like a headless chicken, chasing after things you’re not even sure you want, you’re strolling through life, guided by the warm glow of your core values. For example, I was working my butt off trying to build a career because that’s what society was telling me I should do. But once I realized that wealth, career and that kind of prestige didn’t actually matter all that much to me, I was free! I was free to put my energy into the things that truly do matter to me.
What is a Values Card Sort?
Imagine a deck of cards, but these aren’t your grandma’s playing cards. They’re your gateway to self-discovery. Each card lists a typical human value – think “family,” “creativity,” “independence,” or “chocolate” (okay, not really that last one, but maybe it should be). The idea? To sift through these cards and weigh what’s most important to you. It’s like Marie Kondo-ing your soul. You’re figuring out what values spark joy and which ones you can thank and set aside.
The practice of a Values Card Sort finds its roots in both psychology and counseling, serving as a tactile and engaging method to begin self-discovery and decision-making. This reflective tool is used in counseling to help people connect with their inner voice and identify what is most important to them.
The idea is that gathering awareness of this knowledge can help guide us towards making life choices that are congruent with our true self, free from the influence of essentialist beliefs and the expectations of others. It’s a journey toward understanding your true-self concept, which can foster positive change and making better choices that reflect who we truly are. And most importantly, crucial for learning to love and accept who we truly are.
Create Your Own Deck for a Cozy Night In
If this journey of self-discovery speaks to you, I’ve got something special for you. You can find my digital printable deck of 100 values cards—a curated collection that I use with my clients, designed to guide you through this process. Basically all you have to do is download the file, print it on perforated card stock (which you can find through this link), or even just cut it out yourself, and voilà—you’ve got your very own deck to sort through, anytime, anywhere. Not much of a DIYer? No worries! I’ve also handpicked some beautiful premade decks (here, here, and here).
Whether you’re crafting your own deck or opting for a premade one, you’re taking a step towards embracing a cozy, mindful lifestyle that celebrates self-acceptance and self-love.
5 Steps to Unveil Your True Self
1. Preparation: Setting the Stage for Discovery
Embarking on this journey requires a conscious dedication of free time away from the hustle of everyday life. Pull out your deck and create a space that feels safe and comfortable, where your inner self can speak without restraint. This could be a quiet room, surrounded by items that bring you peace or inspire you. Light some candles in your hyggekrog, pull up a cozy blanket, and turn on some calming tunes. Get comfortable and connected with yourself.
2. Sorting: The No Judgment Zone
Go through each of the cards and sort each one of them into three piles: “Very Important,” “Somewhat Important,” and “Not Important.” The goal is to listen to your inner voice—your most authentic self—as it responds to each value.
The most important thing to remember is: there are no right or wrong answers. Your values are yours, and they’re as unique as your fingerprint. This is a judgment-free zone, where the only opinion that matters is yours. And even then, avoid judging yourself, and just follow your heart.
This isn’t about who you think you should be or what your family, friends, or society says should or shouldn’t be important to you; it’s about who you are.
I know that anytime I sit down to do a sort, there’s a tug-of-war between my authentic inner voice and the cacophony of societal expectations. “Success,” “Wealth,” “Prestige”—these cards all feed my unhealthy desire for external validation, echoing the pressures I’ve internalized over the years. But once I’m able to really attune myself to my own inner voice, quieter cards start coming out. “Creativity,” “Connection,” and “Comfort” begin to resonate more deeply, showing me what truly matters to me. The challenge is not just in listening, but in trusting my inner voice over the loud, persuasive narrative society had crafted for me.
Values can shift over time, and that’s totally okay. What may have been important to you last year might not matter as much to you today.
3. Refining: Narrowing Down What Truly Matters
Take some time to sort through your “Very Important” pile and try to narrow it down to your top 10 or even better, your top 5. Know that though this sounds like a simple exercise, it can definitely be a challenge. Each card in your “very important” pile reflects a significant aspect of who you are, and reducing them down can be really tough.
To navigate this, consider deeply what truly matters most to you, which values are indispensable and which, though valuable, you might manage without. Reflect on the relevance of each value in your current life phase—some values may hold more weight now than they did previously due to changes in your personal or professional life. The more narrowed down you can get your list, the more easily you will be able to really hone your focus in the next steps.
4. Reflection: Understanding the Underlying Reality
After sorting, take a moment to reflect on the values you’ve identified as most important to your authentic life. What do these values reveal about your true self? How do they align with your sense of self and the life you want to lead? Do you incorporate these values into your everyday life? How can you incorporate them more? How might you be able to shift your focus from values that don’t actually mean that much to you? This reflection is not only about recognizing your real feelings, but about understanding the important implications these values have on your own life and the choices you make.
5. Integration: The How To
So, you’ve sorted your cards, and you’re buzzing with insights. Now what? Integrate these core values into your daily life, making them an active part of your decision-making processes. This could mean making adjustments to better align your lifestyle with these values, setting goals that reflect your true-self concept, or even changing how you interact with others to ensure you’re living authentically. Here are some cozy, practical tips to weave those values into the fabric of your daily life:
- Daily Habits: Start small. Let your values guide your routines. Value creativity? Carve out time to paint or write. Love nature? Make that morning walk non-negotiable.
- Home Environment: Make your space a reflection of your values. If “comfort” is a core value, take some time to cozy your home.
- Personal Goals: Set goals that align with your values. Dream of “adventure”? Plan that solo trip you’ve always thought about.
- Keep Your Values Visible: Post them on your fridge, make them your phone wallpaper, or scribble them in your journal. Keep them at the front of your mind as a constant reminder to live your most authentic self.
- Check-in Regularly: As you evolve, so do your values. Revisit them often and adjust as needed. Embracing your core values and integrating them into your life is a continuous process, one that requires revisiting and reassessment over time. As human beings evolve, so do our values and our understanding of our authentic selves.
Instant Download: Make Your Own Deck
The Why: Crafting a Life That’s Uniquely Yours
Identifying your personal core values isn’t just an exercise in self-reflection. It’s about laying the foundation for a life that’s aligned with your true self. It’s the difference between living a reluctant life designed by someone else’s blueprint and crafting your own little nook in the universe filled with self-love and self-acceptance.
Why does this matter? Because when your daily habits, your home environment, and your personal goals are in harmony with your core values, life just feels right. It’s about embracing and loving yourself, in spite of what society might be telling you. This alignment is the secret to enhancing overall well-being and satisfaction.
By identifying and prioritizing your values, you’re giving yourself permission to be free. Giving yourself permission to live at a pace that feels right for you, to create spaces that soothe your soul, and to pursue goals that truly resonate with your heart.
It’s not about doing less; it’s about doing what matters more.
Whether it’s choosing a career that fulfills you, relationships that enrich you, or daily practices that bring you joy, knowing your values is your compass to making choices that align with your true self, leading to deeper satisfaction and well-being. It’s a practice that not only reveals the underlying reality of our personal identity but encourages us to make conscious choices that reflect our real self. In doing so, we embark on a path of positive change, leading to an authentic life that is rich with meaning and purpose.
Conclusion: Make Life Worth it and Love Yourself
Ultimately, a Values Card Sort is more than just sorting through a deck of cards. It’s about embarking on a journey towards a more intentional, fulfilling, and hygge life. A comforting chat with your inner self, over a cup of hot cocoa, under the softest blanket you can imagine. It’s a fun, reflective process that invites you to slow down, check in with yourself, and make choices that resonate with your truest, most authentic self.
So, grab those cards (or print them out, if you’re into that DIY spirit), and let’s make sorting through them the highlight of your week.
And remember, this is about creating a life that is tailored to you. Get ready to start living a life where every step feels like a victory lap. Where your biggest worry is whether to have tea or coffee with your morning contemplation of how awesome you’re doing. Let’s make living your best life not just a goal, but a delightful, everyday reality.
